Parenting

….by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Hindustan times – Mumbai

As a parent, you hold the reins, yet must learn to let go ever so often.

As the ancient saying goes, a child carries the legacy of the
parents – not only the financial , but also one of attitude, character
and behavior. According to the Shastras individual’s life and
character is shaped by four factors. One fourth of it comes from the
parents. Another one fourth is acquired through education, upbringing
and exposure to people and media, Karma and one’s own experiences make
up the remaining half.

So parents form the very first foundation of a child’s life. A child
starts his or her learning process by imitating the parents. We are
often surprised to hear a small child saying something like, “I have
been waiting for this all my life.” It’s nothing but parroting what her
mother says.

Children normally are keen observers. They observe everything. Every
moment. When the parents get angry tell lies or scorn at people,
children imbibe their actions. Unfortunately, most parents are
oblivious to the fact that children are scrutinizing them every moment.

It is important for parents to be free from stress because the
parents’ stress or joy and their character and attitudes get
transferred to the child. If the parents are violent, it they are
devoted or at least they act devoted, the seed of devotion will sprout
in the child and they will become genuinely devoted and mature.

While the parents have to ensure that their children do not become
too aggressive, at the same time, they have to take care that they
don’t become like a vegetable. If the children tend to be aggressive,
the parents should soften them up, and they are too shy and delicate,
it’s the parents’ duty to make them strong.

The parents’ greatest challenge is to guard against their children
getting an inferiority or superiority complex. In many families,
parents never scold heir children and let them go the way they want.
This makes children utterly weak. On the other hand, some people always
put a noose around children’s necks, making them fearful or completely
rebellious. It is really a skill to bring up children who are normal,
creative, confident, and emotionally mature.

Parents need to learn the skill of pointing out a child’s mistakes
without making him or her feel guilty. The courage to confess without
the fear of alienation needs to be inculcated in children. There is an
old saying in Sanskrit. “When your son or daughter turns 16, behave
with them like a friend.”. Don’t be their teachers; don’t tell them
what to do or what not to do. Just share their difficulties with them.
If you relate with them as a friend and no a parent, they will be more
open to you. Usually teenagers open up to their friends much more than
to their parents.

Children should be taught to be truthful without being prejudiced.
The parent must ensure that the child’s intellect is not clogged with
prejudice and inhibition. In today’s world, people have prejudice about
race, religion, professions and so many other things. Children must be
able to communicate and be friendly with everyone.

It is important to ensure that children have the required exposure
to broaden their vision and deepen their roots. It’s often seen that
children who are not taught ethical and religious values feel lost in
middle age, like uprooted trees. Youngsters in the west are so lost
that they go in search of their roots. Modernization is a natural
phenomenon. It is like a tree branching out. That’s why parents should
make sure that their children have strong roots before they branch out.
A cultural and spiritual foundation is vital to helping a child grow up
to become an intelligent and unbiased individual.

It’s absolutely critical that children get a multi-cultural,
multi-religious education. This is vital to avoid fanaticism and
religious terrorism.

If a child goes up knowing a little bit about all other religions,
cultures and customs, then there will be a sense of belonging with
everybody. I feel that when every child in the world learns a little
bit about every other religion, the child will not have inhibitions or
hatred towards other religions or cultures.

Teachers, gurus and mentors used to play the role of counselors.
Increasingly, this is not available to children. Parents, will have to
play the dual role of motivator and counselor. It is like riding a
horse: you hold the reins tight and yet let it loose frequently.